I think I may need to issue an Amber Alert. Opie the Octopus has been kidnapped.

Opie the Octopus lives at my desk and is a friend to transient ladybugs. (Seriously, ask me about the swarms of ladybugs infesting our third floor office.)

I got back from lunch today to find a sealed envelope resting on my keyboard. Upon opening the envelope, I find

Inside is $20, a xerox of Opie and a ransom note.

It reads: "this is not a very good ransom note! so listen!!!!do as I say and you will see your loveable octopus again. deliver homemade pumpkin cupcakes in this office for everyone or just the women anyway. the deadline is april 16, 2007. if this deadline is not met you will find a little of octopus every other day until it is met. the contents of this envelope is to purchase ingredients for the cupcakes and frosting. do NOT call the authorities or you will never see octopus again except at a Chinese buffet."

(I do like that the kidnappers refer to him as a "loveable" octopus)

The clues point towards the kidnapper(s) being female and possessing of a discerning palate. I mean they asked me not for regular ol’ cupcakes, but homemade pumpkin cupcakes.

An amber alert has been issued and will continue in circulation tomorrow.

Any ideas as to how to deal with said kidnapper(s)? I’ve been thinking that horse tranquilizers would be ill advised.